“I’m alright, Koike” Katsuya gave a weak smile and wandered his eyes over to Jin’ichi’s empty desk. Jin’ichi always looked back from that desk, sending love gestures to him. Once, during an exam, Jin’ichi turned back and winked at Katsuya unexpectedly, causing them to a detention when the teacher accused them of cheating in an exam. They had to paint the whole classroom, clean the swimming pool and arrange books in the library. It was fun, because Jin’ichi was fun to be with, and with someone who you love by your side, even reading a manual would be entertaining. Katsuya’s eyes moved over to Yuuki’s desk, which were located at the other side of the room, located at the same roll as Katsuya. It makes Yuuki easy to see things occurring between them, and how many times did these actions hurt him over and over again.

“Katsuya!” a happy voice called him, emerging from the corridors. Yuuki appeared with a large smile on his face. “You came…”

Katsuya smiled weakly and nodded. Yuuki’s eyes were shining with a vivid brightness that shows how much he cares for him. With a smile in return, Yuuki walked to his seat and pulled out his classroom materials from his bag. Katsuya watched his every move, as if his eyes had been under a curse to look at him forever. That great friend had always been watching him for days, and he had not even noticed it until now. Knowing so well that he hated the stormy weathers, Yuuki swam in the tempest just to see if Katsuya was alright. Yuuki was so good to him; he was a lifesaver who held him from falling.

“Did you know Jin’ichi left the school?” whispered one of the voices at the back of the classroom. “He just went away, to another school, or another country!”

“You are sure? Where did he go?”

“I don’t know. Katsuya would know something about it. They were absent the same time too…”

The group of gossipers approached Katsuya to ask him about Jin’ichi. Yuuki got up from his seat as fast as he yelled across the room, “Jin’ichi went away with his parents for a while. Don’t worry; we still keep in contact with him. He said he really misses hid friends!”

“We thought he went to overseas!”

“Stupid rumours,” Yuuki lied on the spot and hid it with a fake laugh.

Yuuki looked over to Katsuya and their eyes met for a short moment. Katsuya smiled back to thank him, but in his eyes were still filled with sorrow. It was a week ago when Jin’ichi told them unexpectedly that he was leaving school, somewhere far that he wanted to leave all memories behind. He kissed Katsuya goodbye, and left Katsuya all in tears. Jin’ichi told Katsuya that the love that had for one another was an illusion ever since the beginning. It wasn’t meant to last, and as time moves on, those feelings started to change. Katsuya, who loves Jin’ichi deeply and sincerely, broke into tears, as he watched Jin’ichi’s car departed from his house.

Katsuya held out in pubs, drinking to make himself forget that incident. Yuuki kept a close watch on him, making sure that Katsuya was safe in the streets alone. He was sad about that incident, but it hurts him deeper to see Katsuya in such pain. He could endure his own pain to see Jin’ichi and Katsuya together, but it hurts him to see Katsuya break down and cry this way. On that stormy night, which Katsuya hated that weather, Yuuki felt that he should stay with Katsuya, and bring him back to reality.

Even though Yuuki managed to bring him back to school, he could hardly concentrate on the classes he attended. He was still daydreaming, wearing that sad look in his face, as he kept on staring out the window, as if he was anticipating for someone to arrive at the school gate.

“Katsuya!” the teacher called his name and asked him to come up to answer the equation written on the board. Katsuya got up from his chair slowly, and approached the front of the class. Picking up the chalk, he looked up at the equation, not knowing what to answer for he had been absent for six classes and everything seems blank in his head.

“Can’t you understand such simple equation?” the teacher said angrily. “You don’t pay attention in class, you don’t earn good grades, and yet you still missed six classes in a roll!

Katsuya stared that the board, listening to the teacher yelled at him. If he were the same Katsuya, he would have thrown few words back at her, but now, he stood there blankly, being silent and unaffected.

“Sensei, could I help him in solving that equation?” Yuuki asked as he raised his hands eagerly. He got up from his wooden chair and walked towards the board. In just a few minutes, he quickly solved the problem, as Katsuya stood beside him watching how the equation was being solved.

“Excellent, Yuuki, I am at least proud to see a student like you in class. Get back to your seats, boys. Katsuya, pay more attention when you are in class. The board is not outside that window.”

It was afternoon when Katsuya hurried up the garret of the school building, where Jin’ichi always waits for him every class, where they would eat together and talked together about everything. The presence of Jin’ichi still exists in that place but physically, he was gone. Katsuya lied down on the floor, looking up the skies through his long, slender fingers.

“Katsu-chan!” Yuuki approached Katsuya with a smile on his face. “Here’s a drink for you.”

Katsuya caught the can of coffee and stared at it blankly in his hand. It was his favourite drink, as the taste was not too sweet or too bitter, just right for a break that could be served both hot and cold. “Thanks Yuuki for helping me solve that equation…”

“An equation is a problem. And remember, Katsu-chan, that no matter equations, problems or anything you have in your life or studies, I would always be next to you, helping you to solve these problems,” Yuuki lied down next to Katsuya, and handling him a piece of his curry bun. “Eat it up, Katsuya. You don’t have any weight to lose any longer.”

Katsuya took the piece of curry bun to his mouth. As his teeth munched against the food, tears rolled down his eyes for no reason, and he had a strange feeling that couldn’t be ease. It was different from that sorrow he held inside, but this feeling was something unexplainable that somehow makes him feel, at least, relieved. “Yuuki, you don’t have to waste your time on a guy like me. I’ll be fine…I’m sure I would be…”

“Silly boy, I could waste every second of my life to keep you happy, Katsuya. After all, you are important to me…” Yuuki nibbled Katsuya’s cheek gently.

Katsuya rubbed his cheeks and smiled. He was still afraid to accept that he had fallen for that gentleness and concern that Yuuki had for him. He placed his hand on Yuuki’s hand, locking them between his fingers. Those hands that locked between them used to be Jin’ichi’s but Yuuki was now at his side, and this touch of love was stranger and more intimating that he could ever imagine. The warmth from Yuuki’s hands was bit by bit, healing his sorrow slowly.

“While holding my hand, you might not think of me being the one in hands with you. It’s alright. As long as I could be next to you, Katsuya. It’s fine. I will still wait until the day you realize that the hands you hold is no longer Jin’ichi’s but mine…”

The school bell rang as students rushed back to their classrooms. The classes were extremely noisy as the boys and girls were trying hard to be heard, and to speak, creating a very noisy environment. The lessons after that lunch break was rather dull and Katsuya’s eyes had not moved away from either Jin’ichi’s empty desk or the window. Even though he knew Yuuki would always be there for him, he couldn’t get his mind off Jin’ichi. After all Jin’ichi had been with him long enough to become a huge part of his life. The most valuable present from Jin’ichi was that musical box that was given to Katsuya under a blanket of stars above them, along with a meteor shower above. Even though Yuuki had put it together to make the melody of the musical box play, it gives off a broken melody, just like his broken soul. He wasn’t too sure if Yuuki would be able to fix his soul and heart back together, but all he knew was Yuuki was that light that always shines to him during his darkest hour.

“I am going to stay with you until you get all well…” Yuuki pulled a huge bag from his locker. “I am going to be pretty late tonight; I still have my part time job to do. Then I shall be home and to watch over you. So, Katsuya, Take care!” Katsuya watched Yuuki cycled off the school. He stood at the front gate as the figure of Yuuki became smaller and smaller, before he disappeared into the horizon.

Katsuya was at his balcony, staring into the mist for a long time, as the sun began to set. It was such a beautiful sight, as the horizon that swallows Yuuki a while ago, also swallows the sun; as darkness was next to reign the skies. He felt a strong need of something to make him forget. Dressed up in casual clothes and a cap over his dyed hair, he walked out off his apartment to the supermarket, with the desire to keep drinking again. Perhaps alcohol might make them at least forget that sadness of Jin’ichi leaving, and the mixed emotions he had for Yuuki. Everything had weighed them down so much, pulling him up from sorrow to confusion.

“The following characters are entirely fictional and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.”

Chapter 1

A soft, sweet melody from the musical box started to fade away, as it was replaced with the loud roars of the thunderstorm. Flashes of lighting sent off intermittent light through the window of the dark room, revealing the face of a man of an attractive young man of his early twenties. His brownish-red dyed hair that reached to his shoulders had covered his teary deep eyes as his thin lips shivered with the pain that was hurting his soul, a wound that had buried in within his heart, could not be cured. Burying his face onto the pillow, tears began to roll down his lean cheeks. His memories led him back to that moment of bliss which he cherished the most when he believed that he had found the one whom his heart truly belongs to. He reached out for the musical box at the side of his bed and swept it down to the floor violently. Once the musical box reached the ground, it sang out a 2 seconds of the melody before it crashed into pieces. This was the conclusion of a fairytale that never ends happily ever after.

Knock, Knock…

Knocks were on his door, but no matter whom it was outside, he had no strength left to answer it. All the motivation and will to keep on living had all disappeared; there was nothing for him to live for any longer. The wound in his heart had paralysed his entire body, disallowing him to even move a finger or make a noise. He stared blankly at the door, not willing to move a single nerve in his body.

“Katsuya! Are you in there? Please answer me, Katsuya, I am dead worried!” the voice of the man at his door was calling out for him with anxiety and concern. He waited for Katsuya’s answer for a few minutes and start knocking again. “Open the door or I am going to crush in! I know you are in there!”

“Why don’t you just leave me alone, Yuuki?” Katsuya forced himself to speak.

“I can’t leave you…” Yuuki yelled as he lean his forehead against door. “You know you still have my shoulder to cry on. Just let me in, please.”

“What do you want from me?”

“You are not the only one who is sad and heartbroken, Katsuya.” Yuuki said softly, “You wouldn’t know how much it hurts me to see you in this condition.”

Katsuya dragged his body out of the bed to open the door. An equally attractive young man was at his door, with drops of water dripping from the tips of his hair. He was drenched from head to toe; as his body trembled as the gust of string wind blew into the building. His large eyes filled with distress stared at Katsuya, hoping that he could share a part of that pain Katsuya holds inside. His naturally red lips broke into a light smile, “Good evening, Katsuya…”

“Don’t you have an umbrella? Come in and dry yourself before you catch a cold…”

The neon light was switched on, revealing a one-room apartment that looked as though it had been unclean for ages. Piles of unorganized books and sheets were scattered all over the room, the bed was unmade, and dust built a civilization all over the room, along with the broken pieces of the musical box.

“I’ll get you clean clothes; you shouldn’t have gotten out of your house when there is a thunderstorm outside there.” Katsuya handled a clean towel and clothes to Yuuki.

“Even if there was a terrible earthquake, I would show up in front of your door.”

“I don’t need your sympathy…” Katsuya frowned, “Did Jin’ichi ask you to come?”

“This has nothing to do with Jin’ichi. Both of you are my friends, and you two mean as much to me,” Yuuki picked up a piece of the musical box and observed it, “It’s a waste to crush that musical box like that. This is filled with memories and….”

“It’s better destroyed than to play out those songs that reminds me of him. It happened so fast…I didn’t understand…”

“The fault is neither you nor him. Those affection, promises and happiness…has been emptied by time,” Yuuki attached the falling parts of the musical box together. “Just like this musical box, no matter how you put it back together, the melody would be broken…”

Katsuya buried his face in his hands and cried, “Why does time have to stop our love? Doesn’t Jin’ichi realise the pain inside of me?”

“Jin’ichi is just as sad as you are. He didn’t want to continue because he realized that both have reached the end of the road. Perhaps, it is easier to let things go. I understand how you feel, Katsuya. Even though I am just his best friend, I am depressed too.”

The tempest was still rolling over outside the window. It was the window that once, he and Jin’ichi looked out together, this was the room that they spend their time together, all of these had made him understand that just with the feeling of love that both sides feels for one another is the most important thing in this world. Nothing else could make him feel that way again. That weather outside was a reflection of his heart’s condition, being dark, gloomy, hopeless and murky. Those raindrops that fell onto the ground was just like the drops of his bleeding heart that has a hole that nothing could fix it to make it whole again.

Yuuki walked towards Katsuya and pulled him over, hugging him from his back. Without any signals, tears rolled down from Katsuya’s eyes uncontrollably.

“Just cry…” Yuuki whispered to Katsuya’s ears and was close enough to kiss it. “Cry out your sorrow, empty that pain with those tears. You won’t fall into any sorrow anymore…I’ll save you from that sorrow…”

Katsuya laid his hand on Yuuki’s arms that embrace around him. He squeezed Yuuki’s arms tighter, hoping that those arms would be the ones who would be pull him up from sorrow. “Stay with me…”

Yuuki smiled and landed a gentle kiss on Katsuya’s ears. Hot, nervous feelings run down his spine and gave Katsuya a slight shriek. The man who had kissed him was a best friend of both Jin’ichi and himself, and whenever he had a fight with Jin’ichi, Yuuki would be the one who made them understand each other again. But now, it was different. Jin’ichi was gone, he was no longer in contact, and nobody knows where he went. It was not a surprise to see Yuuki shattered as well, since he and Jin’ichi have been best friends ever since primary school.

“I am just as sad as you that Jin’ichi is gone…but I have betrayed those feelings of sadness. Worse, I have betrayed my very own best friend, “Yuuki paused for a moment. With a deep breath, he parted his lips, “Now, I could let you understand the feelings I have for you.”

“Yuuki, what are you…”

Yuuki pulled Katsuya over and faced him directly, as their eyes met at that moment,“ I have watched you for days. I can’t see you suffer with Jin’ichi’s departure this way anymore. The more I see you in pain, the more pain I felt within myself. I didn’t dare to accept these feelings until now. Listen to me. The feelings for you have overflowed my entire heart. I could not control it anymore.”

A gentle touch of Katsuya’s finger rested upon Yuuki’s lips, “Yuuki…”

Yuuki caught Katsuya’s hand, and let it go. “I am leaving for tonight. Forget everything that has happened today. I was carried away….I am…”

Katsuya hopped out of his bed and held onto Yuuki’s leg, “Don’t leave me…Yuuki…Please don’t!”

“If you feel that I am just this crazy one-side lover who shows up to heal your heart for a second and you feel that sympathy for me, wanting to love me for just a fortnight, we should have been better off as…”

“Don’t walk away from me again…Don’t face me with your back just like Jin’ichi did. I don’t want to lose anyone precious to me; I don’t want to lose the one I love ever, ever again,” Katsuya broke into tears, “I loved Jin’ichi, I loved him so much that it breaks me to see him leave. But when you say those words and wanted to leave, why does it hurt me even more? I can no longer take this pain. But why, Yuuki, why do I feel such a warm feeling when you express those feelings to me…why is that?”

Turning back towards Katsuya, Yuuki’s thumb wiped Katsuya’s tears away tenderly. He placed his lips on Katsuya’s eyes and kissed down towards his cheeks. “I won’t leave you. Don’t be afraid, I will never leave your side.”

Katsuya buried his face into Yuuki’s chest and whispered, “You’re so warm…”

“I could be much warmer under a blanket.”

“Pervert.”

“I could also be much perverted under a blanket.”

“Yuuki!” Katsuya moved a step away from Yuuki with a breaking smile from his face.

“I made you smile, didn’t I? You look really adorable with that smile, didn’t you realize that?” Yuuki caressed Katsuya’s hair, “Don’t dye your hair too much, Katsu-kun. Look, your hair has become so dry! Would you like some hair care products to treat your hair a little?”

“It’s alright, Yuuki.”

“I could scrub your back, cook for you, and fix your bed tonight too…” Yuuki said.

“No, no, no… I can do it myself…”

“You don’t like a housewifely partner? Well, I happened to be good in cleaning. And I really want to clean up this mess you your room. Since you don’t like a partner who is like a housewife, what should I be like, Katsu-chan?”

“Be yourself, Yuuki-chan.”

Yuuki pulled Katsuya’s head towards his broad shoulders, “I never thought that I could hold you in my arms, with you leaning against me like this. Your love for Jin’ichi was so strong, that I have no power to win him. All I wanted to do was to build a strong relationship between both of you, so it would leave me no chance for us to be together…You were so good to me, Katsuya. No matter how much I tried to stop loving you, I failed to. ”

Katsuya was out of words, not knowing what he should say. He never realise he had an attraction to Yuuki, because his feelings for Jin’ichi were so strong that he wanted to forget those feelings he had with others. Yuuki was always there for him, no matter what, trying to tell him to make him understand Jin’ichi, without showing any hints of feelings for him. He should have been very much in pain to see his best friends together, when he actually loved one of them. In order to keep that friendship, he hid the feelings he had, trying to act as the good friend, and betrayed his own feelings.

——

The rain was still drizzling, as the raindrops were still dripping fast on the window panel. Katsuya closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep in Yuuki’s arms. Yuuki kissed Katsuya tenderly on his forehead, and put him on his bed. Pulling up the blanket, a picture frame fell onto the ground, as the glass cover shattered into pieces. It was a picture of Jin’ichi and Katsuya, and they were having so much fun, with smiles on their faces. It was the same picture that had made him realise that chances of Katsuya and him being together are really slim. This photo was taken on that night of the meteor shower, when Jin’ichi confessed his feelings to Katsuya.

As Yuuki picked the broken frame, by accident he cut his fingers and the glass cut into his deep into his fingers, “Ouch!”

Katsuya opened his eyes and saw Yuuki holding his injured finger, as blood started to drip from the hand.

“Sorry about that. I just…”

Katsuya took Yuuki’s finger to his lips and slowly clean it with his lip. Yuuki felt his cheeks burning, and his heart felt as if it has been set on fire. “Katsuya, you don’t have to do that…I broke your picture frame…”

“Forget about it,” Katsuya said as he rests his cheeks on Yuuki’s hand. “I’ll get you a plaster…”

Katsuya reached out for the First Aid box under his bed and pulled a plaster from the box. He peeled the plastic cover off and wrapped around Yuuki’s finger, and pressed it tightly with his lips. “I’ll clean it for you tomorrow again, and then it would heal in no time.” Walking towards the corner of the room, Katsuya took out a broom and swept away the broken glass. “Isn’t it irony? You still pick up the broken pieces, even with this picture frame, you hurt yourself. How much pain do you have to endure, while trying to pick the pieces of our relationship? You don’t even care about your heart breaking. How could you manage that?”

“When you love someone, you don’t care how much pain you have, how much pain you had to endure, the only thing…is to see the one you love smile…” Yuuki smiled, “When you truly love someone, you will understand. Now, go on to sleep, Katsu-chan. We still have to go to school. You have been absent ever since Jin’ichi went away. Everyone was worried about you.”

Katsuya got back to his bed obediently, facing the window, as he was still watching the rain cleaning his window. He dozed off and felt a gentle kiss planting lightly on the back of his neck. He was unconscious, that warm kiss upon his neck was more intimate then Jin’ichi’s passionate kiss. Tears rolled down Katsuya’s closed eyes as his mind wandered back to the time when Jin’ichi and he were together, when they were living a dream that would never end. Now that he woke up from that dream, his soul was still broken, just like the broken melody of that musical box, and the shattered frame of the picture.

“Katsuya, suki dayo…”

The alarm clock let out a loud chirping noise, as Katsuya’s hands automatically switch it off. His head was heavy, and his body was restless. Turning to the other side of the bed, Yuuki was no longer beside him, and something was different in his room. The place was well-cleaned, and breakfast was prepared on the table. His school uniform was prepared for him and was hanged neatly on the knob of the wardrobe. “Yuuki-kun…”

Yuuki popped his head out from the kitchen door, with a sweet smile on his face. He brought out two bowls of miso hot soup, placing them on the table. “Eat your breakfast before you go to school, Katsu-chan…”

“Are you going to school with me?”

“I got to go back to my house to change and we will meet in school later. We would be parted less than an hour, Katsuya! Don’t show me that puppy eyes…”

Katsuya got down his bed and looked the breakfast that Yuuki has prepared for him. A bowl of kimchi fried rice, steamed egg, and miso soup were in front of him. He was the one who would prepare food for Jin’ichi, and now, Yuuki had done this for him, makes him feel very different. “Thanks for the food.”

Yuuki’s kimchi fried rice was very delicious, with a great scent of kimchi releasing from the bowl. A few years back when three of them were still friends, Yuuki enjoyed making delicious kimchi fried rice, Katsuya was responsible for the miso soup, and Jin’ichi was skilled in making tonkatsu. Yuuki was the best chef of all, who managed to create a perfect shaped, tasty Onigiri.

“Let’s go for karaoke tonight, and surfing tomorrow, and hiking the next day. Alright?” Yuuki smiled sweetly. Katsuya nodded and smiled weakly. Yuuki was trying so hard to make him happy, but why does he feel that it seems wrong to behave that way? The memories of Jin’ichi still lingers in the room, and if Yuuki came to replace that presence that Jin’ichi left behind, would it be fair for Jin’ichi? Even if Jin’ichi had left him, he would be hurt too.

“See you in school, Katsu-chan…” Yuuki left Katsuya’s apartment return to his apartment which was located 15 minutes away from Katsuya’s. In his heart, he knew he was acting too fast; replacing Jin’ichi like that would also create issues between him and Jin’ichi. The friendship they had for so long might be destroyed with his selfish actions. However, he could no longer keep the feelings he had for Katsuya. At the moment, all he thought was that he loved Katsuya more than anything else, and even if it would spoil the relation between Jin’ichi, he would risk that for Katsuya’s love. As thoughts were racing in his mind, he never hated Jin’ichi, moreover, he still wanted to spend time with his best friend, but he too can’t stand to see Katsuya in pain this way. Loving an ex-best friend’s lover is complicated, and even if that lover is also his best friend as well. Three friends had been tangled up in muddle, each wondering what one should do.

おれわ若葉芳樹

よろしくおねがいします！

Some info about me

Name: Wakaba Yoshiki 若葉芳樹

Age: 21

Birthdate: ____

Bloodtype: A

Location: _____

Food: Ramen

Interest: Boys Love, Yaoi, bishounen

Since this blog is entirely going to be based on stories of Boys Love and some are rated,

please be aware that these are original fiction created by Wakaba Yoshiki.

I do not recommend readers under the age of 18 to visit, stories can be explicit.

Note*

Please note that these work are fictional.

“The following characters are entirely fictional and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.”

- Wakaba Yoshiki